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Yeahh [30 Jan 2006|06:57pm]
[ mood | blank ]

Yeah, so  I made my new journal and such.
And now it just seems weird to not have all my lj friends on there.
Because you guys were all there from the beginning, even if you don't comment or I don't comment you. It just seems weird.
So.. I figured I'm going to add everyone. If you accept, thatd be not. If you don't its cool.
Just giving a heads up.

 

pennyxwhore
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ADd me. [23 Jan 2006|03:13pm]
I got a new livejournal name.

http://pennyxwhore.livejournal.com/

http://pennyxwhore.livejournal.com/

http://pennyxwhore.livejournal.com/

http://pennyxwhore.livejournal.com/




Add me if you want, I'm starting off clean. There isn't any updates yet, but there will be soon.
2 comments|post comment

Yepppers. [12 Jan 2006|11:16am]
[ mood | okay ]

K.

I havn't updated in awhile.

I have been ok.

Sad/happy. I think.

This weekend should be pretty busy.


My boy's and I's two month is this saturday. :D
Hopefully I will spend most of the day with him.


Got a new camera, will post pics sometime of my new lip piercing. :)

Getting caught up in school. But today I came home sick because I feel like shit. I hate it when the nurse looks at you and says you don't look sick, I don't think you need to go home. Fuck you lady. You are the one that looks sick.

I hate nurses.

Yeah. Pointless entry, but I thought I'd update.
Still don't know have a new name for a new lj thingy.
Mhmm.

5 comments|post comment

fdsagfsd [08 Jan 2006|09:32am]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]

I hate almost everything. Almost.

There are times when I am actually happy. Times when I don't care what is happening or how I'm going to mess up or how I'm going to hurt someone else. Times when I am just thinking about me and it makes me carefree and myself. I like those times. Though, they are rare. It makes me happy.

Last week is a complete blur. I honestly don't remember much of it at all. I don't know why. But it seems that every week there is a new struggle. Either one that never got finished and someone feels the need to bring it up again or just a new one. Fresh and ready for me. But I'm never ready.

I can not make people happy like I use to. Well, they tell me that I can, but I don't feel like I am. I feel like I am just a back up to some people. Just someone they talk to when the real person that they want is not available. I don't like that at all.

I'm loosing touch with everything. I don't know what else there is to say about it.
I try to fix things. I try. But in the end they blow up and my intentions go unnoticed and everything is still the same.

Maybe no one knows that I am feeling this because I don't tell them?
What's the point.

I'm doing things that I never really use to do. They make me happy for a time being. Then I become numb to things again.

A lot of people do not approve of me doing these things. They do not approve of me hiding things from them, which I understand. I understand that they really do care about me and that doing these things pushes them away. But it's so hard when you know things are not the same to try and not do anything about it. To try and not feel better even if you are doing it in the wrong way.

I don't know anything any more.


My close friends..

?


I know who I consider good friends, the best. But I can't honestly say that they view me that way. That's what I want.

Sometimes I feel like I go out of my way so much to get people's approval. I don't know why.

I defend some of the most asshole people I know. I don't know why. For example, Bryan. I defend that kid so fucking much. People have told me recently that they "don't know why" or they "don't understand" I don't know why either. After how much he was/is a dick to me. I still stick up for him. Why? Don't know. I guess I try to find the good in everyone.


I just wish for once that how I am on the inside could show through and maybe people would understand. See how different I am on the inside. See how much I hate myself and don't want to be here and just miss how things used to be.

It's all my fault, but I feel like there is nothing else to do. Nothing that I can do.

My boyfriend, Kevin has been such a good boyfriend and has helped me through tough times and now he is going through some, so I'm going to help him as much.

I just wish people could tell me again "Marchesa, thank you for being here for me. It means a lot." or "For some reason it's really easy for me to talk to you, I don't know why, but I trust you" I wish for those words back. So much.


I guess it's time to straighten up. Not just say I'm going to. But really do it.
I'm behind in school. And I am behind in money and I am being in friendships. I don't want that to happen anymore. I'm sick of it.

I'm sick of my self loathing.


And my selfishness. On the inside. I want as much as what I can get that will hurt me. That's how I am selfish. I just want the hurt. If it's anything good, surely it doesn't belong to me.


Maybe I lead people on too much as to how I feel.

I don't know.

I don't like it when entries make me cry.


But really, I'm going to go do my homework that should have been done.





Comments and feels would me appreciated.

8 comments|post comment

Hah.. [04 Jan 2006|04:54am]
[ mood | shitty ]

My LAST New Year's resolutions were:

- Stop biting my nails
- Lose weight and keep it off
- Bring up my Italian grade to atleast passing
- When I start guitar lessons I want to take my time and be serious about it
- Stop holding back, if I want something then I should go for it
- Stop snapping at my family when they say stupid things
- Actually follow through with ALL my resolutions.






Yeah. Fuck those. The only one that I somewhat went along with was to stop holding back. Which I still do much.

I havn't updated in awhile.
Too much has been going on.









I need a change.
Be on the look out for a new Live Journal name.
Add me when I get it if you want.
Any ideas for a name?

1 comment|post comment

fdsafdsa [21 Dec 2005|09:17am]
[ mood | cranky ]

I am sick.
I lost my favorite mint lipgloss.
I also lost.. I think... my wallet with over 60 dollars for finishing my christmas shopping.
This will be hell.



I hate it when I think so much.
I hate it when people go back to their past's.
A lot of people have been doing this latley.
So, this is not towards anyone.
Really.
When people look back and think of how bad things were or how much they didn't like things.
How unhappy there were.
Say it will never be like that again or that will never happen again.
And then they let it.
They let there nightmares come again.
Why?
I am like that too.
I don't understand why.
Maybe it's all this Christmas spirit bullshit.
I don't really know.


But I hate the feeling of knowing someone, well thinking that I do.
But I do not.

I am so disorganized.
So short tempered.
It was never like this before.
So heartless.
Careless.
Lost.
Not myself?
I don't know.

I don't even know what I am thinking right now.

And for those of you that think I am sad and what not.
Those of you that are worrying about me, thanks, but I don't need it.
Don't waste your time.
Really.

Mostly I think I'm afraid.
Afraid of things to come, things that have passed and things things that are happening now.
So unsure.
I hate fear.



"Was that you saying something. I probably heard wrong. You couldn’t have spoken more clearly to help me along but now it seems complicated, lacked simplicity, and it all will finally it will finally be over.I could have believed in anything that you could have told me. But I couldn’t even understand what was under your breath. I would have believed anything you told me. But you couldn’t speak at all. All I heard was the sound of breathing, your attempt to stall. Silence means nothing, silence is nothing, silence be nothing, so we could be alright. Silence means nothing, silence be nothing, silence means nothing. I could have believed in anything that you could have told me. But I couldn’t even understand what was under your breath. Take this for what you’re worth, your day is over and you never knew in the ways that I tried showing you, I tried showing you."

2 comments|post comment

Fate is an elegant coldhearted whore; she likes salting my wounds; yes, she enjoys nothing more [18 Dec 2005|09:13am]
[ mood | unloved ]

Why aren't I good enough for anyone really?
I don't understand.
Anything.
At all.
And I am sorry that I ever thought I did.
I hate everything.
But you.
The one person that I should hate.
I'm so fucking stupid.


"I wanna tear apart your room
to see if what you say is true
Darling don't you lie, lie to me
I wanna break into your heart
to see why you want us apart
Oh, I'm scared to death to find out what you think of me"

2 comments|post comment

Yeahh... cunt nugget ♥ [18 Dec 2005|12:04am]
[ mood | cynical ]

I am in love with Kevin Gardiner and it is splendid. HAhh. Just thought I'd let you all know. :D

So.. this week was pretty good.I got to hang out with Kevin G. a lot so that is always good. He makes me happy. Our one month was wednesday and we got to be together so that was really good.

Friday night I went to the mall. That whole situation was pretttty fucked up. I was suppose to hang out with Dani, but she was sick. So I hung out with Katie. I got into a big fight with my mom before hand because we couldn't find rides home. So I just freaked out and didn't talk to Katie and she ended up just showing up at my house. So she wouldn't take us to the mall like she was suppose to because she was pissed, so Kevin picked us up because we were suppose to meet him. So that was fun.

And we pretty much just hung out with Corey and Kevin that night. I got some pictures, but my program for my computer is fucing gayyyy so I can't resize them and I accidentally deleted paint and I don't know how to get it back. So yeah... I'm sorry.

Hah.

Hmmm.. yeah. That was a good night. And there were lots of people there that I knew. I think I made this one kids night. There was a gum ball machine in the mall that was cracked open at the top and this kid was just standing there staring at it. So I just went up to it and stuck my hand in it and took a bunch and gave him one. He started cracking up, he was littler so I guess he thought it was cool. They were really stale though. Hahh.

Hmm my hands are cold. OHhh I almost forgot about the end of the night!

Katie and I had no ride home. So we had to walk home from the mall to my house. It only took us about a half hour, but it was very cold out and still lots of snow on the ground. Not to mention fuck stick guy's keep beeping their horns at us. I mean suree beep, but nooo don't stop and give us a ride home. Pshhh. So we are like walking and shit and we call Iric to see if he will give us a ride. But no one was there so we couldn't do that. So we were pretty much home anyways. And we are almost on my street and we see this car pass us and the light turns on and I'm like FUCKKK THAT'S MY MOM! It even looked like her car, but like... we ran to try and see where it turned. And it looked like it turned into my drive, but like.. once we got all the way down to my street and got into the house, she was asleep and my brother said that she didn't even leave. So it was really weird and we were freaked out, but I guess it was all good.

And.. Katie just told her mom that she was over my house because she wasn't allowed to go to the mall.. we go way too fucking much. So we couldn't have her pick us up. So we just came to my house. Chilled had some AWESOME coco and then her mommy came and got her.

It was lovely.

The best part was when we were walking in the parking lot and I'm like Katie please be careful don't fall! And then BOOM I slip backwards and fall on the pavement. It was sooo funny. But like this stuff got on my pants.. dirt or something. It's in a really weird design. And it won't wash out! Those are my favorite too. :(

Hm yes.

Thennn.. today was sort of odd.

My original plans were to hang out with Zach, Dani, and KG. But that didn't work out. So Zach and Kev just hung out. And I and Dani hung out which was a lot of fun. We just talked and listened to music and played... SCENE IT!! Hah, I love that game.

And then I left because I thought her parents were going somewhere and it was getting dark and I already told her I might go over my one friends house for movies earlier that day and she said it was fine. So I remember that and decided to do that. Plus I thought her and zach were hanging out. But they didn't. So yeah. I don't know.

And tonight I went to Mary's to watch movies, but we never even ended up doing that. Did everything but. It was hella fun. And I got home too late to call Kevin G... so now I'm a little pissed. But hopefully I shall see him tomarrow.

Hmm yesss.

And I have to go to a family dinner party thing tomarrow, becasue my cousin graduated. Eh... I don't realyl want to go. We are going out to eat. I ate too much today as it is. :/ Dannnggg.

Kevin Sheffar is my best guy friend. He is so nice to me and always there for me.


Blahhhers. Hahhh. I need to paint my nails.

I also love the band Boys Night Out. Look em up!

TOotles kids.

4 comments|post comment

SPECIAL FUCKING POST FOR RYAN && ZACH && OTHERSSS [12 Dec 2005|07:45pm]
[ mood | waiting ]

At the concert I got to hang out with Zach, Ryan, Trevor, Gian and them.
Wow that was fucking fantastic. I hardly ever hang out with all of them so I'm glad that I did then, specially at the concert. They are great really.

We went to Arby's. First we were going to go to McDonald's, but then we didn't but only first we had to have Zach cross the street and grass and get his shoes all wet and then we told him. :P Hahh. I thought we were going to get kicked out of Arby's though because we had a bunch of people and really no food.
But Dani and I ended up leaving because the guys were being gayyy. Really.
And Gian got molested again. By Trevor. Again. Silly kids. But he approves of Kevin G. so it's all good. Lmao.

Annnnddd. yeah. I love those guys they so made me have a good night. And Trevor looks better in my star clippy then I do. :P




And now... I'm waiting for my Kevin G. to come and save me from this hell hole even though I'm half asleeep.. <33

3 comments|post comment

"You smell like slut" [12 Dec 2005|02:39pm]
[ mood | content ]

Ok short post on my weekend.

Friday I finally got to hang out with Ashley, Jessie, Jessica, and Katie without it being weird or akward.

Ashley talked to me which I really appreciate. We both knew that things were weird between us and she took that and made it better. I'm really glad that we are ok now and I know that all of them will be there for me when times get bad, they always have been. :)

So that was a lot of fun, though I still did not get to hang out with Mariahead. :(

I got my Christmas shopping for my friends done pretty much so that's sweeet. And I got my mom's done. I still have to do my boyfriend's.. sort of and I have no clue about my best buddy, Kevin.

I got to see Steph and Kevin at the mall so that was cool. We had to drop Jessica off early and then we went to Jessie's and her cat like made me all allergic. So my face was all red and my eyes hurt so bad. Hah, it was funny. But I fell asleep on her floor, I felt really bad. Heh. I'm sorry Jesser's.

Then I came home and I was majorly tired, yet I stayed online I believe.

Saturday was a reallly busy day. I went to the mall with Kevin and we got stuff. So that was cool, then Mariah came and Stef was there and I saw my cousin. Yeahh.

And then later on Mariah and Kevin came to my house and then so did Dani and we all went to the last show at Grange Hall.

The show was ok, not as fun as the last for reasons, but yeah. So I got to see my boy so that made me all happy and such. ♥

And then... sunday I did nothing really. So that was boring. I don't really remember.

And today I stayed home because I missed the bus and my mom needed me to stay home because my brother is sick and she had things to do.

So I just camera whored it up. WOoooo.

Hah, my mom just asked me what this was.

In trouble? Maybe.

Later kids.

2 comments|post comment

cameraxwhore [07 Dec 2005|09:47pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

So. I got a digital camera for my birthday and I decided to be camera whoretastic so, comment on my pictures? &hearts;

 

 

20 comments|post comment

"You can fist anything dear" [03 Dec 2005|09:22am]
[ mood | content ]

I have a killer headache right now and my house is roasting.
Yes, the Christmas season is here.

Well, I havn't updated in forever. Again.
I'm really bad at this updating stuff lately.
I've been very busy.

Monday is my 17th birthday so wooo.
I have been hanging out with my boy a lot lately which is awesome. Like always.
But when I'm not with him it just makes me miss him more. :/

Heh.

Last night I finally hung out with my girls. Jessica was finally there too which was sort of like. Not normal because she usually can't do things, but it was awesome having her there because she is so much fun.

We found Katie's friend from the village. I felt bad because she couldn't remember his name. Hah. :P Oh well it was a good time anyways.

I really can't concentrate on Christmas shopping when I have tons of friends around me. It's way too hard.

And there was like a conglomerate of "emo/scene kids" I will say at the mall. It was amazing I think. Out of nowhere there they were! A big group of them. Hah.


But I got my mom something and I got Maria something. And then I still have all the rest of the people to get something for. So yeah, I think I might go back to the mall on sunday.

I hung out with Katie a lot which is fun.

Oh and Ashley got me lipgloss/chapsticks for my birthday! I love them. They all taste so good, but I think I left my lolly one in Jessie's car. :(

Which reminds me Jessie and I almost got into a car crash. :O

Not good. But, we are alive so I guess that's good...

Hm. I'm failing English right now. That's really bad. Oh well.

Uhm... yeah. There really isn't much more to say.

Today I have to go for a family birthday party. Bllaaaahhh. Which I am sharing with my 3 other little cousins who are like... 2,3, and 6 or something. I tried to get out of it, but that was a no go.


But Kevin G. is going to come and visit me after school. Sooo... yayyayyay! <3

Have a nice day.

5 comments|post comment

Dear loved ones.. [27 Nov 2005|01:43pm]

Dear, Maria, Ashley, Jessie, Katie, and Jessica.


I MISS THE FUCK OUT OF YOU GUYS. <3333333333333


I'm sorry.

I need hugs from all of you on monday.


The end.

2 comments|post comment

Welll... tuesday && wednesday && thursday somewhat [27 Nov 2005|01:14pm]
[ mood | content ]

Since I'm still pissed about that entry getting deleted I'm just going to do my week in parts. It was a sweet ass entry too!!! Argg I was proud!!! >:O


Anyways.

Tuesday - I didn't really do anything. I think Katie and I were suppose to hang out or something, but that didn't really work. It was ok, I needed a night home I guess. I ended up falling asleep at like 5:30. But KevyG called me from the Hawthorne Heights, Silverstein, Aiden, and Bayside concert. So that made me happy. Because he called me and let me listen to Hawthorne Heights because I <3 them. Also he got me an autograph from the guys of Hawthorne Heights. He's such a sweetheart. <3


Wednesday - Dani, Zach, Kevin and I were suppose to go out to the movies and to the mall. But Dani couldn't go. So before Dani and Kevin and I just hung out there and that was fun. I love hanging out with them because we are all comfortable togethere. It makes me happy.

Hah. So Dani had to go home and Zach just came over her house. Kevin and I went to the movies and to Best Buy and looked for DVD's and crap. And then to family dollar where he got.. baby blue gloves and a matching umbrella.. lame. Hah, just kidding. It was cute. So we were walking in the snow with our umbrella. I thought it was cute. I hate the snow, but I love being in it with him.. I don't know why. Hmm. weird.

And yeah. He just came back here and we talked and stuff. Mhmm. Good night.

Then... thursday night. Kevin Sheffar come over and at like midnight we were baking cookies that was fun. Hah. And I'm glad that I got to hang out with him because I love hanging out with him because I just don't care at all. And he is my best friend.

Mhmm. So I will just finish with friday and my rest of the weekend in my next update probably later.

I'm going on a comment spree. So you guys should comment me!!

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. [27 Nov 2005|12:30pm]
WHAT THE FUCKKK!!!


I HAD A HUGE GREATTT ENTRY ALL TYPED OUT AND IT FUCKING GOT DELETED.


FUCK THIS SHIT.
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"I will never see the light at the end of this dark tunnel" [22 Nov 2005|02:34pm]
[ mood | cold ]

Hm yesh.
I'm eating raw cookie dough, but I wish I wasn't. It is just so good that I can't help it.
Grrr.

I had the urge to write, not sure why, but oh well.

Well, it is snowing. Snow sucks, but early today I really wanted it to snow, I don't know why.

And we are now on break. Yessss.
I don't know what I'm doing tonight, but I don't know if I really want to do anything. I'm extremley tired. Maybe a movie night? I know that I have to watch Saw. Even though I rented it like.. for 5 days. And didn't end up finishing it the 3 times that I tried watching it.

Hopefully, this break will be good. I remember one year I ended up only spending it with my family. In a way that was good, but really it sort of sucked. This year I am somewhat anxious to see my family. I have been so busy lately and I havn't really spent time with them.

I realized, they don't even know me.
My dad is like one of those friends that you just talk to when you have no one else to. Doesn't really matter. :/

And I don't really know about my mom. I do miss spending time with her though. Sort of weird. Hah.

Ok, this entry is loserish.


Anyways. I miss my boy, Kevin G. <3 He is amazing. Hah. He makes me smile a lot and he came and spent time with me last night. He even went and got my mom a movie.. even though it was the wrong one, but it doesn't really matter. He is just great.

I'm really tired all of a sudden.

Oh.. wooo my birthday is soon, december 5th. And then so is a lot of other people too, so that's cool.

Also, most people like my hair. I should get some pictures of it and post. But the red is already starting to fade. Red fades so quickly in my hair, I hate it.

Hm... this friday I might go to a show.

Last saturday I went with Dani to grange hall for a concert. That was fun except for stupid bitches with attitudes. Hahh.

And I slept over her house and that was fun. She's a very good friend.

I miss Ashley and I miss Kristina though. Hmmm.

I think I am going to go and be lazy now. Tootles.

9 comments|post comment

"I can be a fire truck and you can be a palagrant!?!" [18 Nov 2005|11:31pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

So.

A lot has happened. Since I like updated.

Yess.

I don't even know where to start. I guess I should back track.
Tonight is.. friday night. Tonight was ok.
I went to the village with Katie, Ashley, and Jessie. We didn't get much, but Katie made a new friend. Hah.
And we ate and got Katie and my hair dye.
We did our hair.
Yeah.. hers is pretty. A brightish red.
Mine. I hate.
I did all of it this time. Dark red I guess with black in the front and underneth. Psh.

Oh well.
And we got this stuff to wax our legs... yeah.. that didn't work out.
But it tasted good...

And Ashley renamed my cat and dog Mrs and Mr Patunia... rightttt..

And right now I am looking for a myspace background and I reall should redo my livejournal, but I don't think that I really feel like it.
Always pisses me off.

Anyways.

On thursday I got to spend the day with Kevin G. most of the day. Which is extremley good because I <3 that kid like whoa. He makes me smile lots so I figure it's a good thing.
We went to cleveland and I met his mom and we picked up Sarah, she's nice.

It has been snowing. Plah. I hate snow. Unless we get school off.

Yep. Actually most of this week I have been spending time with Mr.Kevinface and Dani, so it's good.

In case you guys didn't catch on. Kevin G. is my boyfriend as of the 14th. And he is adorable. I <3 himmm. A lot. And I want to make him happy, so I hope that I am.
I'm a dork.
And I want to call him now, but I don't think he is home.
I miss him

Hum.

Yeah.

Tomarrow I think I am going to the grange hall concert in canfield. Dani and I are going to make cookies before hand I believe and then I'm going to sleep over.
Yeah.
If I don't see Kevin G. I'm going to be pissed, but we have only 2 days next week so that is extremley good.

Anyways. I'm going to go kids.

Nightttt.

<3

5 comments|post comment

Hm. [17 Nov 2005|08:31pm]
A lot has happened lately.
I will have a detailed entry so you guys have to comment your ass off. Mkay?
2 comments|post comment

"Watch my hand dances!" [13 Nov 2005|11:37am]
[ mood | devious ]

So

I don't really know what I am thinking right now. I had this livejournal entry all planned out.

I don't think that it is bad that I don't know what I'm thinking, unless I do something bad.

I'm cold. I'm pretty sure I'm getting sick again.

Friday night was a good night. I got to see a lot of people that I like to spend time with. It made me happy.

I went to the mall with Kevin which was more than overdue because I havn't hung out with him forever. I saw lots of people there. Ashley, Jessie, Maria, Katie, Steve, Kristina, Christina, Michael, Mariah, Zach, Ryan, and Donny. It was very good. I had to leave early though.. because for some reason I wasn't allowed to be out there late. I came home, was here for a bit and then Ashley, Jessie, Katie, and Maria came over and we chatted for awhile and then we watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. That was nice.

I love that movie.

Then after awhile Kevin G. <3 came over and so did, Sarah (sp?) and Jimmy. We all just plopped down and watched the movie. I have to admit that it was a little akward because no one really talked because we were watching the movie, so.. that wasn't really what I  wanted to happen, but yeah. It was still a good time, I hope.

Then my girls left. Kevin and them stayed. That made me happy. He makes me happy. A lot. Even if I don't show it. It's there.


Saturday

Uh.. well I think I was suppose to go to a concert with Dani, but the band that is playing isn't wasn't playing till much later, so we didn't do that.

So.

Dani came over for awhile and we just listened to music and took forever to tune my guitar and totally... ROCKED OUT! lmao. haha.

Then after awhile Tom and Elim came over and that was fun. They fucking eat enough. Jeez. And we watched how to lose a guy in 10 days. It was fun and such. Then they went home and I couldn't really sleep.

And now I'm awake and I am now just remembering how many tests that I have this week. Pretty much on monday and tuesday. And I am now just remembering how much I didn't study. So I will probably be doing that most of the day.

 

 

And this is to some good friends

I'm sorry for anything that may have upset you or made you feel uncomfortable, that was not my intentions. I get the feeling that some are mad or some don't want to talk about it or something, but I would like to know if you guys are mad or something so you don't leave me guessing here. But yeah. I'm sorry. You guys mean a lot to me.

4 comments|post comment

funhouse reflection heartbreaker [08 Nov 2005|01:25pm]
[ mood | alone ]

I'm home sick today. It sucks. No one is on to talk to. I think I'm going to redo my myspace.

The past few days have been really busy. Really. Things change in an instant.

But first off I'm going to talk about why I'm a vegetarian because I read someone's blog on myspace and I agree totally. From now on, my mother is going to try and force me to eat meat. It's not going to happen. She is going to have a hell of a time. She thinks that I'm sick because I don't eat meat. She doesn't want me to eat meat, yet she can smoke cigarettes and think that smoking is a better choice. I have nothing against smoking. At all, need I mind you. But she acts like what I am doing is sin. Their are other people out there who care about animals. Some of you may think that I am a hyprocrit because I don't eat meat, yet I don't like animals that much. I do like animals. I don't really like mine because they are idiots, but there hasn't been a time when I'm not feeling well and I just want my cat to lay with me and make me feel better.
I just don't think that people understand why some do this. "Animals are put on this Earth for that reason" To be eaten, not for me, but to others maybe. But to be tortured. No. That doesn't say anywhere that animals where put here to be tortured and taken advantage of. It's not even a fair fight. I'm not trying to express my views on anyone, but my mother will get tired rather easily in this battle.

On another note.

I feel like crap. That nothing I can do is right. I get happy and then I don't know if it's even true happiness. Sometimes that smile on my face fades so quickly that I don't even remember it being there. I'm pretty unsure. On a lot of things.

Is it just me or is it sometimes easier to not have a good thing than to have a good thing and get it taken away from you? That's pretty much what I think.

I don't know if I even know what I'm talking about.

If someone doesn't make today a good day for me, there will be hell to pay.


"my wrists cut with jaded tongues your eyes freeze my fire
of innocence whores addictions souls salvation I said it I'm so tired so
saddened I'm no coward please bury me they broke my wings in an attempt to
divide a sickness from comfort of open wounds wide eyed I died"


 

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